One deadly aspect of the tongue is gossip. Gossip is sinful, it can be incredibly hurtful to people, and horribly divisive. In short, gossip is toxic. What most of us don’t realize is how often we participate in gossip. It is so common that we don’t even realize we are doing it.

The big question is, what is gossip?

One dictionary definition renders it this way, “Casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.”

In his helpful book “Resisting Gossip,” pastor Matt Mitchell defines gossip as: “bearing bad news behind someone’s back out of a bad heart.”

How do we resist gossip? Gossip will happen—how do we slow the spread of gossip? Here are a few suggestions.

Shut things down before it actually happens

You can see where things are going—you know that a person is bearing bad news from a bad heart. This is not the time to be passive. Even if the gossip ball is already rolling, you can step in and politely ask the gossip to stop sharing. Simply say – I don’t think you need to be sharing this with me. Or ask—why are you sharing this? If the person you were speaking against were here, would you be saying this about them?

I know there are not many of us who like to confront others, but sometimes we need to speak the truth in love. Given the toxic nature of gossip, sometimes confrontation (in a gentle way) is necessary.

What if you have already heard the gossip?

The gossip (bad news) has already been spread to you. Maybe it wasn’t your intention, but now you have this information and it reflects negatively on another person. What do you do?

Use discretion of course, but go to the person and say, “I’ve heard this about you—is it true?”

Proverbs 18:17 says, “The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.” We know there are always two sides to a story. And yet, how often do we hear something, in this case something that reflects negatively on another person, and we just assume it’s true. In due time we start to whisper and talk and eventually it turns into full blown gossip.

When you are on the receiving end of gossip, whatever you do, don’t spread it! The closer you get to God, the less you will want to participate in gossip. Seek to know Christ more, day by day (Philippians 3:10). As your character is forged and shaped more into the image of Christ, all sin (including gossip) will be less appealing. Pray that God would perform this sanctifying work in your heart.    

Avoid the company of known gossips

Proverbs 17:4 says, “An evildoer listens to wicked lips, and a liar gives ear to a mischievous tongue.” Plain and simple, there are people who are not seeking the good of others, even brothers and sisters in Christ.

King Solomon provides a simple solution. “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much. (20:19). In other words, stay away from them!

Keep in mind that the listener will be held accountable too. It is not just the gossip himself. It is the one who gives him a voice. If you are constantly providing empathy to someone that is gossiping, then you are at fault too.

What happens when the gossip is actually me? 

I would be surprised if there is a person who could honestly say, “I’ve never engaged in gossip before.” While you might think you have never gossiped, that notion is probably more fiction than fact.

You might remember the story of the woman caught in adultery who was brought to Jesus. She, of course, was just a pawn as the religious leaders were trying to trap Jesus. Jesus said to them. “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to cast the stone.” They all ended up leaving, starting with the oldest (John 8:1-11).

Don’t be self-deceived and don’t be self-righteous. Humble yourself before the Lord. Confess your sin (1 John 1:9). Do your best to make things right.

Speech That Builds Up

We have looked at the negative side of things—how not to engage in gossip-but what about the positive side of things? I can think of no better passage than Ephesians 4:29, which says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

Not participating in gossip doesn’t mean we don’t say anything at all about people. It just means that what we do say is positive, encouraging, edifying, and it springs from a heart of love.

What about when gossip does happen—when someone sins against us in that way? The answer is perhaps simpler than you think. We forgive. We follow the example of Christ (1 Peter 2:23).

If gossip has hurt you, then choose to forgive. Follow the example of Jesus, and entrust yourself to the One who judges justly, God the Father. If, on the other hand, you have engaged in gossip, be quick to confess (both to God and the one you have hurt), and then move on.

You can resist gossip! You don’t have to listen to gossip or spread it. Yes, it can be powerful at times, especially if you are surrounded by those who are prone to gossip, but you can resist. Why? Because of Jesus!

When we believe in the gospel, God the Father places all of our sin on Jesus, and gives us His righteousness (2 Corinthians 5:21). Our Great High Priest gives us the power to renounce sin and live lives that honor His name (Romans 6:18). So run to Jesus, repent of your sins (daily), and know that God the Father has equipped His people to live holy and godly lives.